To those who know me, this poem may need a little explaining. As I mentioned in our Sunday Stretch Series video, the whole point in sharing this very personal, very intense poem is because I truly believe in order to get to forgiveness, and ultimately to love, we have to burn through layers upon layers of anger.
A year ago I was at an event with Susan Hyatt and picked up a stone that read “Let go of anger.” Well, that just pissed me off because I thought, “I’m not angry!”
As is often the case, I get a sign before I even know I’m looking for one. The rock message was no exception. When I joined Margaret M. Lynch’s coaching program and we started tapping (using EFT) through the chakras, it became clear I may be a little angry.
And yes, it frightened me.
Who knew all the anger bottled up inside me was preventing me from really opening my heart? I spent 5 days in June getting certified in an emotional grueling Ignite Your Power process that addressed anger and all the other shadow issues hanging out in the lower chakras. We just kept tapping through them, day after day. Tapping allowed us to safely move our emotions, to feel our rage without anyone actually getting hurt or feeling the brunt of it.
And eventually my heart cracked open. And continues to do so every single day.
But first I had to move the anger. I had to recognize the good girl vows I took to be liked, to play nice, to be a law-abiding citizen, and not embarrass my family or friends and break them.
I also had to go to the pyramids of Teotihuacán with a shaman and 16 soul sisters and die a symbolic death, but that’s another story.
I share the result of breaking of these vows in the poem below. I do so with the hope that you might look at your own unspoken vows or agreements and rewrite them.
For years I denied my power and silenced my voice. Just recently I made a new vow in front of several witnesses to Own My Throne. So with complete vulnerability I offer you The Vows. (Despite a large vocabulary at my disposal, sometimes swearing is the only way to convey the intensity of an emotion. If you are easily offended, substitute something that suits your sensibilities.)
If you need help getting to the other side of your anger or finding your way back to love, please reach out to me. Leave a comment below or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. I have a whole tapping protocol and coaching program focused specifically on tapping through the chakras that is incredible effective in dealing with this.
Copyright 2017 – Penny Plautz
Whatever vow I made to play small and stay safe,
so that I can live large and grow freely.
Whatever vow I made to remain invisible,
I take back
so I can show up, be seen, and take my rightful place in the world.
Whatever vow I made to remain silent,
I vehemently reject
so I can speak my truth
and use my words and my voice to stand up for myself and those who have no voice.
Whatever vow I made to relinquish my power and play the victim,
so that I can use that power to transform lives.
Whatever vow of poverty I made along the holy path to spirit and service,
to become the bounty hunter who recovers my own unlimited wealth.
Whatever vows I made to be broken or damaged,
I shatter into a million jagged pieces
and claim my right to be whole and perfect in my imperfections.
Whatever vows I made to be less than,
I declare null and void
as I am equal to any task, any situation, any person I face.
I break these vows with all the righteous indignation and fury I can summon.
I burn these vows in the blazing heat of my heart break.
In my death to what no longer serves,
I resurrect anger as a call to action
against all that is inconceivable, intolerable, or unjust.
I allow the anger I have swallowed for a lifetime
to flow through me,
and finally be felt,
and engulfed by the flame
that ultimately purifies, releases,
and sets me free.
Here’s what the encaged,
enraged anger, silenced for half a century,
has to say:
I am not just angry.
I am furious.
I am a raging, fire-breathing warrior goddess
and I am coming for you.
I am coming for you
the minute you cross the line,
the minute you take what’s mine,
the minute you violate my body,
the minute you underestimate me
or assume you know what’s best for me
or patronize me or manipulate me or attempt to silence me,
the minute you undervalue me or take advantage of me
or refuse to pay me what I am worth,
the minute you pull your little man shenanigans
or justify your good-old-boy, narcissistic, misogynistic behaviors
or start with your unsolicited attacks,
or I’m-the-boss-of-you bullshit,
I will come for you.
Because I have had enough.
I will have the last word.
I will get my way.
I will see that justice is done
I will protect and defend what’s mine
I will destroy you if that’s what it takes.
I have had a lifetime of fury
that I have medicated,
and compromised away
and I refuse
to deny it any longer.
I refuse to deny my anger
and allow you to take what you want from me.
I refuse to accommodate your wants and needs without any regard
for what it’s costing me and costing the world.
I refuse to be ashamed of this outrage,
this burning anger
this hot, molten indignation
and wiping out entire villages
of those who assumed
I didn’t mind,
It didn’t matter,
and they were justified in
raping and pillaging.
Those who saw me as powerless,
or deserving of the destruction.
Little did they know
they picked the wrong
Mother Fucker to cross.
Because now there is no compassion.
There is no mercy.
There is no channeling of my higher self.
That part of me is gone,
she has left the building in a murderous rage
and unleashed her evil twin into the wild.
She has summoned her shadow
is now at the helm.
My advice to you?
Run while you still can.
If her rage touches you
you will spontaneously combust
from the intensity.
This kamikaze fighter pilot
will go down in flames
before she allows you to ever again
or do damage to her and all that she holds sacred.
No one protected the princess,
so she abdicated the throne.
And now the nice, quiet, good girl has come back
as the Queen of Badassery
to torch the list of vows taken
to ensure her survival
and replace them with this promise:
I Will Own My Throne.
The cycle of suffering stops with me.
I did not come here to be abused or abased of my power.
The only way to defend and protect my lineage
is to let this inferno of anger consume me,
and burn the old vows to the ground
so the new vows
can rise like the phoenix
from the ashes.
I came here to create, to love, to learn, to express,
to challenge, to rise, to fall, and ultimately, to forgive.
I came here to manifest the miraculous
and be a powerhouse of passion, purpose, and possibilities.
These are the new vows.
This is the legacy that starts with me.
After a lifetime of waiting for a Messiah
to deliver me from this anger,
I now know I am the one I’ve been waiting for.
I am the answer to my own prayers.
And when the anger subsides,
all that will remain
is a fierce commitment
to this new legacy of love.
I am the heir apparent to the Queendom.
It’s time for me to step into my rightful place
and Own My Throne.
God Save the Queen.
Copyright 2017 – Penny Plautz